U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
