Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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