Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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