she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
