You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
