I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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