There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My life is pants optional.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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