Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
