first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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