I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is Oprah even human
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
