i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
