it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
