My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
