I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
