I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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