Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
