My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
