I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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