i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
