Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
smell my finger.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
