time to smoke my breakfast
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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