About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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