So drunk its hurt
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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