ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All the doctor said was why
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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