You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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