my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
try to milk me bitch
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