Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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