You just made me feel so damn special
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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