I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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