Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
