He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
