the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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