Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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