It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
