everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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