I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
