Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
40s are totally the cure
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
