Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
