Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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