this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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