It was confusing and full of hummus
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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