It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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