Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
