are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
