he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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