it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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