checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
