Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize