a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
