Where did you get a picture of my penis
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
