Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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