I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
