saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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