whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
only if we run a train.
done.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
