Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
