I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
