If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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