My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
