Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
