literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
