dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
