every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
