True but thats because hes a fetus.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
