i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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