Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
