He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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