Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
