My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
