btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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