see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
