I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
