peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
