@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
