This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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