everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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