My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
