my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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