is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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