mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
