I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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