i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
