The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
