I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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