Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
