Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
