It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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