She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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