so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
