And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize