So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
