She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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