I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
where does the pee come out of this thing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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