omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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