I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
