we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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